When I saw the WIAA was trending on Twitter today, I assumed Mike Colbrese and Co. had been up to something. But nope — this was in reference to the Wisconsin Interscholastic Athletic Association, which is in the news for sending one of the most asinine emails in the history of the medium, which is really saying something.
According to USA Today, the good folks in Stevens Point, Wisc., were fed up with what they perceived as unsportsmanlike chants at the state’s high-school sporting events. Their solution was to send out a list to member schools of 23 things fans are no longer allowed to do at WIAA events. Because everyone knows the best way to get teenagers not to do something is to tell them they can’t do that specific thing.
A complete list of banned activities:
1. Booing of any kind
2. “Over-rated” chant
3. “Scoreboard” cheer
4. “Air ball” chant
5. “Nuts n’ Bolts…” chant (?)
6. “You, You, You” chant
7. “You can’t do that,” “fund-a-metals” (sic), “We can’t hear you,” “Warm up the bus” chants
8. “Sieve, sieve, sieve” chant (??)
9. “Nah, nah, hah, nah…hey-eyy goodbye” song; “Season’s Over” chant
10. “Push it, push it, push it” chant
11. “U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A” or any acronym of derogatory language or innuendo (???)
12. Any chants/comments that are disrespectful to an opponent or official, including school mascot, school nickname, school population, opponent’s town or community or that is derogatory to an individual because of race, gender, creed, body type or ability
13. Holding up papers or props during opponent introductions
14. Turning backs to court/field during opponent introductions
15. Dressing in attire that is not associated with school spirit (????) or is inappropriate
16. Waving arms or making movements in an attempt to distract an opponent
17. Fan participation activities while the game is actually being played (i.e. roller coaster, the wave, etc.)
18. Competitors not shaking hands after a contest
19. Competitors “trash-talking” before, during or after a contest
20. Competitors celebrating a play excessively by beating on chest; pointing to the crowd; dancing; or any voluntary, unnecessary movement perceived to be drawing attention to oneself
21. Competitors celebrating a play by prolonged staring at an opponent or standing over an opponent
22. Criticizing or diminishing the efforts or abilities of an opponent or official in the media before during or after a contest (sic)
23. Criticizing teammates or coaches
OK, a couple notes here. I would guess the impetus for point eleven is that people have been chanting “U-S-A” at players with non-Anglo-sounding names, but the idea of banning patriotic chants is hilarious. Same thing with point ten: I would guess kids have been chanting “Push it, push it” as a PG replacement for “Bullshit,” but the idea of banning Salt N Pepa songs is, again, hilarious.
My favorite, though, is point fifteen, which prohibits students from “dressing in attire that is not associated with school spirit.” Blue jeans are apparently now outlawed at WIAA events. So are plain T-shirts. So are all jackets and coats and parka, because I’ve certainly never associated heavy outerwear with school spirit. This could be a real issue during the Wisconsin winter.
Does the WIAA think your average 16-year-old goes to a high school basketball game because they really want to watch basketball? If so, they’re wrong. Kids go to games because it’s a fun thing to do. But you know what’s not fun? Sitting silent and motionless in your seat for two hours straight under the fear of being suspended if you so much as gesticulate without an invitation from the referees. I don’t think of myself as one of those jamokes who sits around complaining about PC culture, but holy cow, I think we can all agree that trying to turn every high school student in Wisconsin into an 1984-style, censored, emotionless automaton deserves some scorn.